287 • For Men!

287 • For Men!

My dream is to dance with Grace Kelly
Sharing one rubber glove and one welly,
Sharing one birthday suit,
Two bottles of Brut,
And three jars of cold K-Y Jelly.

Attentive readers may note that this charming, carefully-visualised fantasy fixates on a Screen Queen who has not made a single film in the last 64 years. What is it about the present generation of actresses, then, that so repels our imaginations, focusing them instead on past eras, eras of subtle ambiguity and romance, eras when one could never be sure whether ‘Brut’, for instance, signified a dry, sparkling wine, or a pungent preparation for disinfecting the male armpit.

2 thoughts on “287 • For Men!

  1. Dear Mr Lime, I donot understand why you have to be so bitter about the world we have all inherited. Gene Kelly was a beautiful, beautiful women and this is a demeaning tribute to her beauty. My partner and I are no strangers to ballroom dancing and we can see that its possible for a man and a women to share one rubber glove (though I can not see why they would wish) we can not see how they would share one gumboot. They would fall over during the first dance. And the remaks about deodorant and vaeline are distasteful. I do not understand why you have to be so bitter aboiut the world we have all inherited. I sense your are an unhappyman but there is no need to pass negative thoughts and emotions on to other people. Like wearing a Covid PPE,. It protect others, not your self. GLewin.

    1. Dear Mrs Lewin,

      Once again, thank you for taking the trouble to read and comment on my rhymes. I wonder if you are confusing Gene Kelly and Grace Kelly? They’re not the same person. Gene probably learnt his primary skill – ‘singing and dancing in the rain’ – as a child prancing about in waterproof boots and, growing up to be a gentleman, would have been perfectly happy to share them with a lady. Perhaps you and your partner would like to try it? I can’t be held responsible if you twist your ankles or destroy items of furniture in the process. But I should like to see photographs of your progress.

      Regarding the ‘negative emotions’: of course I am ‘an unhappy man’! How could one possibly be otherwise in 2020, a year which sees glaciers evaporating, vicious gasbags ruling great countries, and schoolteachers beheaded in the streets? It’s not surprising if one or two of the rhymes have a downbeat edge, but I suspect most readers skip over bulletins they find distasteful, rather than obsessively ruminating on them in the manner you evidently favor.

      Best wishes,

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